Waitresses. Sisters.

(this story is a few weeks old, but this blog is a couple weeks new. I republished this story to get rid of the spam comments. Now you have to word verify, but that's not nearly as annoying as having to register with blogger)

So me and the roommate celebrate his birthday by seeing The New Deal at a local hotspot, The Metro. No one else out of our friends seem to like said band too much, but The Roommate claims they're his new favorite and I dig their catchy electronic sound and have been known to play them at most social gatherings, a consequence of being subjected to hour upon hour of nauseating trance and house. Anyway. He bought my ticket and we had Pouty in tow (sure to be a recuring character), so it promised to be an interesting night.

I usually refuse to partake in f@stivities on Saturday night unless I have Monday off -- I just don't enjoy being fucked up at work -- but in this case I made an exception.

We get there and the line's around the corner. It's a good thing The Roommate bought tickets ahead of time. Bean #1's down the hatch all around. More standing. There's a girl. We talk to her. She wanders off. Some other girl cuts the line and then gets tossed by the bouncer for having a fake ID. Not that I care much about the line cutting, but it was funny to see her go from "brazen hot chick" to "abandoned by her friends" in about 10 minutes. My friend, Pouty, is standing too close to me and The Roommate and keeps bumping into us, invading our personal space. I loudly call him out (he has a problem with this) and he goes up front to see if we can cut the line since we have tickets.

Not yet, but just as we're up to the front they cut off all new sales and only ticketholders can get in. Good call The Roommate! We immediately get redbull and vodkas all around and are amazed at how cheap they are. $7 for a 3 shot and one full can of Redbull drink is CRAZY CHEAP for Chicago. CRAZY. 'Course, we paid a cover with the tix.

Soon we're doing our best to come off as cool to the gaggle of University of Wisconsin girls we come across (The Roommate's shoe and sock choices are killing us, but my Hawaiian shirt is bitchin'). We're not succeeding, though the motley crew of mute unwashed stoners they brought with them aren't much competition. I sense a collective sigh and eyeroll from the womenfolk as they realize this is the best they're doing tonight, and they meander off to a corner of the bar. Smart girls.

The New Deal begins and we move to the money spot, directly in front of the bar and center front of the balcony. It's not the floor, but it's bumpin'. The New Deal knows how to bring the groove. Listen here if you don't believe me (warning, it's in flac format, Winamp converter here).

Bean #2. There's a bunch of dancin' and drinkin'. Things are kind of hazy but I clearly recall someone squeezing past behind me and grabbing my ass. I think it's cool and keep dancin'. Pouty is here and there, usually there, pouting.

The Roommate, despite all his obvious flaws, successfully initiates conversation with an actual female. She's cute even! She has a sister! They're both waitresses! The sister turns out not to be nearly as good looking once I get her home as she looks right now, but the moment calls. More music and LOTS more bad dancing. Both beans #3 are brought out and split four ways.

"My" girl waits until we're in the cab on the way to our house to mention her obsessive jealous Mexican boyfriend who doesn't let her smoke pot. Oh great. The kibosh is on the sex before I'm sober enough to realize what I'm doing. I make a valiant effort to get drunk enough to not care once I get home, but it just isn't happening. I console myself by knowing that the cute sister has a bf too (also mentioned in the cab).

We make the best of an awesome night even though the prospects of sex are quickly diminishing. Now back home, Pouty spins some records in the basement and I bust out the lazer and the fog machine. Dancing ensues. Both beans #4 are split four ways again. We play music and dance. And tell stories and laugh. And drink. And smoke. The girls order more beans from the ether. Everything is cool for awhile, until...

"My" girl smokes alot. She's chain smoking out on the porch and I make the mistake of walking out there when everyone else walks in. "You wanna go to bed?" she says, without hesitation and with about one millionth the sexiness employed by the "You wanna take a bath?" girl from The Wall. I'm halfway sober and disgusted at this point. I say, "Do you?" and quickly walk inside without waiting for an answer. Gross. I am now disappointed not only at my fucked up self for bringing this upon myself, but also at this girl who so easily would cheat on her bf. Yay. I am the male equivalent of a skank.

A little later on the cute sister tells me they have a brother-Marine in Ramadi. We look it up on Google Earth (check this out if you haven't seen it). As it swirls from Chicago to Iraq she comments on how far away it is. I feel sad. We feel sad. We both mention that we feel sad and sit a bit closer. She runs her finger on my hand and offers me half her last bean. It's Sunday afternoon and I have to work in not too many hours so I regretfully decline, get her number, and therefore pass on fun no-strings-attached sex. I am an idiot.

The number's a fake, same one she gave to The Roommate. We don't know that yet and after everyone's gone the Roommate claims dibs on calling her the next week since she was "his" girl from the bar. We have a Guy Code of Ethics for a reason people, and I would be remiss to deviate from it. So he gets to be the one talking to some random girl next Wednesday saying, "Who?" Haha!

Oh, in the meantime over the night some guy brought over this girl who was the spitting image of Tiffany Amber Thiessen. She introduced herself as "Amber" and got real defensive when someone asked if she was famous or something (she was exceptionally beautiful and dressed in expensive sweats). She looked about 20 years old, but had on lots of makeup. So who knows?

The day ends with me watching Dumb and Dumber with The Roommate and passing out on the Lazy Boy.